Wednesday, October 3, 2012
the other Crow debates
Crow T. Robot was one of the stars of my favorite television program ever (well, so long as I don't count the Simpson's or Monty Python's Flying Circus) Mystery Science Theater 3000 - better known as MST3K. When he turned up again recently and heard there was yet another election going on somewhere, he proved amenable to answering some of the debate questions posed for the last election. For lack of having anything more entertaining on hand we opted to share the questions and the other Crow's answers* with you:
Q: Please describe some of your personal tools for dealing with adversity?
CTR: I smell conspiracy in everything and I don't know what I mean most of the time. I felt a disturbance, like a million monkeys cried out at once, then all were silenced. The world... is no more.
Q: What experiences have you had that have helped you deeply understand the mindset and values of another culture?
CTR: Well... I've undergone a complex personal evolution wherein painful confusion has given way to what I like to think of as some degree of wisdom culminating in my current Zarasthustrian sense of self. Is that it?
Q: Do you have the courage to be lonely?
CTR: Oh, I don't know, at least now I have something to write about. You know, I've been thinking about annotating the Manhattan phone directory.
Q: How will you spend quiet time in anticipation of a tough decision?
CTR: Are we in this scene, or are we supposed to be back with the mole-people?
Q: Share some examples of your ability & willingness to be decisive.
CTR: I don't think it's a good idea to kill someone when they're driving.
What's the point of a helmet in skydiving, in case you land on your head?
Is that vague enough for you?
Q: What is your negotiating style/approach/philosophy?
CTR: Ya' know, if we PRETEND we know whats going on, this is actually kind of exciting.
Q: What is your definition of leadership?
CTR: I wanna decide who lives and who dies.
Q: What is your overarching purpose as a leader?
CTR: Put your helmet on; we'll be reaching speeds of 3.
Q: What could cause you to fail as the Leader?
CTR: You're really stupid if you get hit by a car AFTER the Apocalypse.
Q: What do you believe should happen to those close to you when they make an honest mistake?
CTR: So, the only effect of his complete immolation is... minor irritation and redness?
Q: How will you avoid becoming part of the "good old boy" network that has created and is
content with the way things are now?
CTR: The light is red unless there's an election!
Q: How will you keep young people engaged?
CTR: You're starting to catch on, Kemosabe.
* All the above are both real questions and true Crow quotes.