Wednesday, May 13, 2009

holy Crow!

Can you imagine my dismay coming home from work this afternoon to find this? I called out to Crow as I usually do once I get in since it's his habit when he's around to join me for a cup of tea and a snack. This time all was quiet but he never leaves the house in spring without his tall black umbrella and it was still there in the stand. I crossed the marble foyer, opened the double doors to his library and saw his boots upside down in the air. Naturally, I thought the worst. Crow has been my friend most of my life but he's been around for centuries and has been a friend to many more than me. How could he croak on my watch? Life couldn't be that unfair, could it? Well, maybe it could.

I dashed to his side to see if I could revive him, noticing as I got close he was shaking and trying to catch his breath. Great, there was still time. Did I remember my emergency medical training and how do you practice CPR on a 6' tall elderly Crow? Just as I was getting ready to give him the kiss of life he opened his eyes and said, "Where the heck were you all day?" Obviously, this wasn't a Crow lingering near death's door waiting, hope against hope, for his friend to arrive in time to cradle his feathery head and whisper a tender good-bye.

Instead, he rolled over on the antique Persian carpet he'd received as a gift from Kubla Khan, reached out for the bar of his ancient hand-carved perch, stood and picked up his Lalique crystal goblet to enjoy a beak-full of Remy Martin before taking his Cuban cigar from the 11th century Ming ashtray to enjoy a deep draught of relaxing smoke. Leaning back on the bookcase devoted to the foibles of man he told me how he'd spent the day perusing the news.

First he told me about the 22,000 green jobs that have been outsourced to India since January. Now I have nothing against anybody anywhere finding non-destructive work but you'd think that with millions of unemployed people in this country it might be time to keep some of that work available here. Then he told me about the people in this country who are spending their unemployed time pretending that looking for a job actually is a job. It may well be but it appears to us that manning the barricades might be a better idea right now.

Then he told me the last thing, the one that had made him laugh so hard he fell off his perch. I'd tell you about it too but maybe you'd better watch it yourself:


  1. You had me scared. Tell crow that his dramatic malingering got this weasel's heart race way up.

  2. hahah, i think that's my son! well, i think that's what he's been doing... ;)

    glad your dear big crow is feeling good again...had me going there.

  3. Scared me to death...not literally, but I was shocked to see him on the floor!

    Having viewed the video, now I understand why he was there. What a hoot!


  4. Thank gooooooodness Crow is alright.
    I was know, what with his travels and all, what he may have picked up in the way of viruses...

  5. I haven't been around long enough to know The Big Crow, so I wasn't sure what this was all about. Damn glad he likes cigars! And damn glad he was able to get the Cubans! I'm smoking Honduran and Dominican these days.
    I don't work for wages any longer. I am not affected first hand since I don't go to the office every day, but I am aware of outsourcing and always wonder how it can be cheaper to send the work overseas, especially in the case of manufactured goods as opposed to computer generated 'paperwork'.
    The video satire was funny. A good project would be to go to India and do a documentary from their side of the coin. I wonder what prosperity they have gleaned overall since jobs have been sent over there, or are they as oppressed as American workers in so far as having to work for less than they are worth, having responsibility with no authority and the like. I can't believe that corporations are treating them good because they are paying them less.
    Oh well, I'm gonna go light up an Arturo Fuentes Short Story far a quick smoke, then out to coffee. I'll plant those trees and bushes later this morning.

  6. That is a hoot! I mean a caw!!!!!

  7. I can't take much more of these bird-brained shenanigans. Damn big business really ruffles my feathers.

  8. belette - Me too and I have told him. Perhaps he took a little too much Remy.

    linda - Your son reads the news or lies on the floor boots up? or both?

    lol - He's a devil :-)

    the crow - I had to agree with him that it was very funny but not the floor part.

    pagan sphinx - He avoids a lot by not traveling in crowds - or on airplanes.

    spadoman - A friend for many years, Crow tends to travel a lot and returns with posts about economics and ecology. He has a warped sense of humor.

    A documentary about Indians working for western companies is a good idea. One of my duties at work is to get ins auths for people scheduled for surgery. A lot of their customer service operations have been outsourced for years so I speak to the workers in Bangalore often. The funny thing is they are given western names to tell the callers. I wish I could blog an Indian accent saying, 'Hello, my name is Peter. How may I be of service?'

    Good luck with planting weather.

    lisa - I knew you'd enjoy it :-)

    randal - Ruffles Crow's too it would appear.

  9. Love that video. So have you ever done a portrait of the cigar smoking, cognac drinking crow?

  10. utah - The last image in the video was a killer. As for the portrait, I'm not sure enough of my skill to make an attempt.

  11. ohhhh now i want to peruse the indian blogs and see if i can't find a personal outsourcer for my job too.
    i love being an early adopter.

  12. It's unfortunate that Crow didn't foresee how distraught his appearance would make you. Is he perhaps a crow raised by wolves?

    Did have interesting things to say, though. And I was happy for that American worker who can concentrate on his fantasy football team.

  13. I love this drawing of Crow, so funny and so gracefully drawn, and a little sad... If the newspapers gave us the news the way you have, I might read them more often.

  14. my heart stopped for a few seconds there.... i think i was more upset at the thought of losing crow than when my stepmum was in ICU.... not a fair comparison, i guess. crow would leave the world a better place than he found it... step mum not so much. the thing about satire is, it's so often not far from the truth. funny and deeply disturbing at the same time. fill Crow's crystal goblet once for me, and toast him.

  15. sera - Would you mind checking for me too? Preferably somebody who can do better Crow drawings than me..

    ben - Crow is still bringing me little presents as apology. Sometimes he gets a bit giddy when he's been around people too long.

    rene - Why, thank you (blushing) :-)

    gfid - Truth is often best told by cloaking it in humor as the popularity of Jon Stewart and Steven Colbert prove.

    He scared me too and that's why I had to draw the scene. There are some whose loss would darken the rest of our days but others.. not so much.

  16. haha crow looks perfectly fine with his feet up in the air. i'm just glad he's ok. i was a bit scared at first.

  17. sera - Sorry about that but you know as well as me that Crow will outlive us all :-)

  18. Crow is my kind of guy... Remy Martin? Cigars? I'm surprised he wasn't wearing the smoking jacket he got from Dean Martin. Very suave!

  19. either i forgot to comment the other day or google ate it, again grrrrr

    great tale and video ;)

  20. I think crow may working on the outsourcing thing in India already...

    He may have been eyed in Mumbai recently. Well, it could be another crow. After all, it's hard to tell in the shot. But you should check it out anyway. Maybe Crow's sent an envoy...

  21. spartacus - I'll have to remind him to wear the smoker for the next picture :-)

    :D wolf - Glad you enjoyed both :-)

    pagan sphinx - Thanks for the link to Mumbai Crow . It sure looks like him or one of his associates :-)

  22. The line about not having to move at all anymore reminded me of WAL-E and the humans aboard the spaceship. Perfect.

  23. steve - The Onion is always good but best when they find the kernel of truth and run with it.