Tuesday, January 29, 2008

world's ugliest silk scarf contest *note below

It's winter grind time and a lot of things aren't looking so good if you look around outside the comfy home and friend parts of the world right now.

Taking a leaf from my generous friend Gary's playbook I thought I'd offer up a little contest of my own - if anyone's interested - which you may or may not be. It's not my greatest photograph of artwork ever (it's just too long to get in the frame)and it's also not the best thing I've ever made but it's pretty neat. I've worn it a couple of times and people notice especially since it's eight feet long. You can wear it or hang it on the wall or just wave it at people to scare them away.

So if you are interested the rule is: Tell a memorable winter story. The contest will end February 14th with a random draw - as is only fair in this chaotic world.

Gary, thanks so much. You do go to any lengths to satisfy your contestants, don't you? You really didn't have to go all the way to Mexico to find a suitable prize but I appreciate the effort.

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* FYI UPDATE ON FEB 1ST
Just to rule out any confusion your stories can be posted as comments right here. I'm not expecting long stories or very many of them either but I thought it would be a neat thing to do. If you want to post a winter story on your own blog (in order to kill both birds at once - not pc, I know, I know) please feel free to go ahead and let me know where to look. Does that seem fair?

19 comments:

  1. My story will be written, prize or noe prize...

    Thanks Susan.

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  2. My scattered brain did not remember - you share a price with me Susan!
    Yesterday I got chocolate made in Nelson and an awesome original painting now hanging on my wall.
    Well, I envy your scarf as much as you should envy my chocolate - yours will last much longer though!
    Winter story?
    I can dig that! Where should we post it, just as a comment right here? I guess I should keep it somewhat short then :)
    Because I have not too much to say, I started (inspired by Gary's price) an other Haiku contest - with a real price of course (which is unknown to me yet). I put some weird additional rules down just to make sure I'm not a copy cat.
    Good luck!

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  3. Gary - I'm looking forward to your story and thanks again for the lovely pendant .. and the chocolate. We ate it and it was extaordinary!

    Zee - Yes, you can post you story here and it can be as long or as short as you like. I guess if they get really long and really good I could always open another page for them but I don't expect that much interest.

    I'm still thinking about that opening line you left us with for your Haiku contest.

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  4. Susan-
    the "opening line" now has multiplied to ten choices. One alone was not fair. I am sure you will come up with something...

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  5. Well, this one time it was like snowing, and I was like, "Oh my God it's like Cocaine falling from the sky." So, I was like, "Hey, let's like snort this Cocaine." And my friends were like, "Yeah, okay." And I was like, "Yeah, let's like do it." And so like we did, but it wasn't like Cocaine, it was like just snow, and all we got was like one of those Ice Cream Headaches.

    It was like totally bogus.

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  6. Okay, where do we post this story if we actually get time for it?

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  7. fairlane - I can always count on you :-)

    Hi Scarlet - I just posted an addendum answering your reasonable question. Your place or mine is just fine.

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  8. Okay, here's my story:

    I was 16 years old. I had a boyfriend we'll call Dave.One night we went out, but we had to take my car because something was wrong with his (can't remember now). My best friend dated his stepbrother, so we drove out into the country, where they lived, down narrow little back roads and one-lane dirt roads to pick them up. Then we went to the local Big(ish) City and spent the evening out on the town (as much as 16 and 17 year-olds can be out on the town).

    First, it started to rain. And it rained like crazy for a couple of hours. We had come back to my little town to get gas when my car suddenly died and wouldn't start. My dad ended up having to tow it home, etc. My friend's boyfriend went home with her, and my boyfriend came to my house. My parents let him sleep on the couch downstairs.

    In the morning, we got up and there was so much snow outside, we couldn't tell where the yards ended and the streets began. My little car was nearly buried. It took my dad forever just to work the screen door open and slip outside so he could dig out around the front door. And we had a full PORCH on that house.

    Dave ended up spending a week with us. It turned out, Dave was rather boring. He never said much. Didn't do much. About halfway through the week, I was heartily sick of Dave.

    The only excitement I remember that week was when my dad had to go up in the attic (my bedroom was built in part of the attic). While there, he found about a case of a certain kind of beer cans. I say certain because when I tried to say, "Well, maybe they were here when we moved in?" my dad, who was a truck driver, informed me that that beer hadn't been sold around there until sometime after we moved in. Oops. Busted.

    Yes, there had been a party one night. The parents came home early, so there was a mad dash up the stairs to toss the beer cans in the attic. I was supposed to move them later. I forgot.

    Well, that was fun. I was annoyed with Dave, my dad was mad at me, my mom was made at my dad (because she always was, and being stuck in the house with him a whole week didn't help). Oh, and my little brother was mad because he couldn't play his Atari all that much with dad and Dave sitting in the living watching TV half the day.

    I was happy to see Dave go home. Our relationship pretty much ended after that.

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  9. I forgot to mention that the snow storm was so bad, the interstate was shut down. That was the first and last time I remember that ever happening.

    The End.

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  10. We got about 9 inches of snow here last night, and I had to shovel the drive today. My back aches.

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  11. Scarlet - That was waay cool. You tell great stories and I'm delighted you found the time. Hope your back feels better after a couple of glasses of ale and a good night's sleep.

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  14. Most days run by like quicksilver, others become memorable. Images of long days of winter. They haunt you for years to come. You can not erase them, even if you tried.
    There will be a mass at midnight, she said.
    And as he stood there askew, glancing towards left, her beauty was obvious to him. She was youthful and beautiful, evaporating scents of innocence and sweaty desire. How can a man resist!
    He turned around all the way, facing the woman shoulder to shoulder, and said:
    If you want me to go to church at midnight despite that you know that I am not a churchgoer, we will have to walk to it through the snow.
    All right then, let's go she said.
    The night was crisp and stars abound. Hearts felt closer and they stumbled a few times, falling on snowy ground. He tried to stay serious, not loosing control.
    They made it to the church.
    After the ceremony, some bars were still open. He insisted to have just one beer. It was nice for him to get his medication while she adored him utterly.
    On the way back they got into a snowball fight, icy mush on your face, blended with laughter.
    The parents were home, so no noise at all - but he caressed and kissed her beautiful bosom. She wined and moaned in muted tones. Bliss slumbered both of them thereafter on a crisp winter night. It was never forgotten.
    Two decades later, if he calls up, she picks up the phone and disconnects. A frosty kiss of winter.

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  15. Lukas - That was excellent and I particularly liked the bittersweet ending. Very nice.

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  16. Hi Susan
    I was going to post this winters story as a comment, but I think it’s too long, so as suggested I have included the story on my blog as the most recent post.
    Best wishes

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  17. Here's a winter lesson for the kids.

    Never, and I mean never, ever, not even once bumper ride in the snow when your friends, the driver, and yourself have been drinking Tequila all night.

    I know it seems like a good idea, but it's not.

    Stay in school, say no to milk, and drink your drugs.

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  18. When I was 13, living on a military base in southern Ontario, we got hit with a major winter blizzard. After supper, I went out into the frigid dark with my delinquent buddies Len and Larry, to find some trouble.

    We bumper-hopped a few cars (without the tequila, Fairlane), knocked over a couple of snowmen, and threw snowballs at school windows - all in sub-zero with a howling wind. We were freezing our fuzzy starter-moustaches off so decided to head to my house to warm up.

    As we leaned into the slanting snow and plodded down the middle of Vimy Avenue, the glow of headlights rushed out at us and a station wagon sashayed by, spraying slush, fish-tailing and going too fast for the conditions. We dove aside, cursing the idiot.

    I quickly made an icy snowball and pelted the back of his car with a satisfying 'PONG!' The wagon skidded to a halt and a terrifyingly huge and most likely drunk soldier got out, screaming something that included the words "kill you"..."motherfuckers"..."my car" and "your neck".

    We split apart and ran for it. He followed me and was gaining. I think his huge, hairy paw (okay, I didn't look) was inches from my neck when I did an instant side step. I cut across the street, between two cars and dashed along the sidewalk next to parked snow-covered vehicles. Before he could get on my tail again, I dropped and slid under one of them.

    Squeezed between the icy pavement and the oily chassis, I felt claustrophobic fear, and tasted metal in my mouth. I could see his feet as he wandered in and out of the cars, muttering death threats. Snowflakes the size of dinner plates drifted to earth. I held my breath.

    He staggered on into the whiteness. I waited a while, then slid out and scuttered home.

    I later saw him shouting abuse at his kid at a local hockey game. He didn't recognize me. I hope to this day that I left a nice dent.

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  19. Excellent, Gary! and I'm so glad you escaped his drunken clutches. You really had me worried there for a while that he'd caught you but then again.. he must not have done or you wouldn't be here to tell the story.

    Thanks for taking the time to do so. If I ever do this again it'll be a limerick contest :-)

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