Oh, my beloved Arkham where the cloisters of olde Miskatonic U. rang with a chorus of slobbering screams of those newly made monsters who used to be my friends and classmates. August, is that you wearing the bloody beak of gore and is that really Abdul Alhazred, the Mad Arab himself standing next to our dear chancellor? Isn't he the very one who wrote the Book that cannot be named?
(The Necronomicon? You can't be shown one! The libraries never will loan one! But if it's so rare and guarded with care, why does every nut case seem to own one?)
I struggled to hold onto the last vestiges of my sanity as well as my precious bodily fluids. I didn't want anything running down my leg that might attract the attention of the tentacled ones overrunning my alma mater. I had to find a way to get to Innsmouth for help. Why do I suddenly feel like singing?
Pardon me boy,
Is this the Lair of Great Cthulhu?
In the city of slime,
Where it is night all the time..
Running this way and that finding every path to freedom blocked I suddenly heard a great whooshing sound. As dark shapes filled the sky and flame lit breath shriveled the monstrous ghouls who'd crept close to me in the gloom, I was plucked from my frozen stance and swept up to the back of a giant worm whose rider was my little sister, Kate.
I hadn't seen her for years but now wasn't the time for mentioning that she appeared to have made some strange friends in my absence and where on earth were we going? A giant bubble of light surrounded us as we flew high up into the starry sky. I must have dozed because once I opened my eyes the one thing I did know was that we were nowhere near New England anymore and another song came welling up from deep inside:
Cthulhu, you're breaking my mind.
My sanity's vanishing daily!
Oh, Cthulhu, I'm down on my knees
I'm begging you, please --- go away,
We'd arrived in an alien world where a huge pool of dragon spawn was surrounded by a two dimensional landscape of primary colors. Had I been partaking of the illicit pharmacopeia in my sister's open saddlebag and who exactly was this strange beast who'd carried me to this unknown land?
His name was Randal, the trickster who contaminated me with the wicked Splotchy virus, on whom I will get my just revenge.
*note: Just so there's no mistake about my abilities to be spontaneously funny the songs came from an obscure place.